Wembley 5 Ashford Town 2
from Your Milton Keynes
Correspondent
This is, believe it or not, my first report on a cup
game, in all these years of writing drivel on the exploits of Ashford Town FC.
This is the First Round of the Westview Rail Cup – basically the Isthmian
League Cup, which was known as the Bryco last season. Whilst the competition
has nothing like the importance and prestige of the FA Cup or FA Trophy – the
Club actually pocketed £1,000 for winning that FA Cup Preliminary Round tie the
other Saturday – this did give the boys the opportunity for a confidence boost,
against a team one division below us. Having lost all four league games by the
odd goal so far this season, putting us plumb bottom of the table, we’ve
managed in between to beat Slade Green 3-1 in that cup tie. Slade Green are
from the Kent League, which is equivalent to Wembley’s Ryman Division 2. It’s
also apparent that Wembley are a very ordinary “Step 5” team – as opposed to
being a very good Step 5 team, like AFC Sudbury, Winchester, Maidstone or
(dammit) Tunbridge Wells - so there was every logical reason for Tim Thorogood and
John Cumberbatch to feel confident. Not that we expected tonight’s hosts to be
push-overs – let’s face it, even a one-legged girl on an 18-30 holiday wouldn’t
be a push-over for our lads at the moment !
For those of you who associate the word “Wembley” with
Cup Finals, twin towers and the subtle odour of piss and onions, Wembley is a
London Borough just to the South of Harrow, not far from Heathrow, on the opposite
side of the A40 to Southall (remember them ?). The Vale Farm complex in which
the ground is situated is some 700 yards away from the new Wembley Stadium,
currently under construction – from the club bar, the enormous arch of the new
monument was easily visible above the long, but narrow, red-trimmed main stand
on the far side. Sceptics would say that this is the nearest we’ll ever get to
the new stadium, although we came pretty close to making it to the old Wembley
in 1973, when we woz robbed, by a dodgy penalty, in the semi-final of the FA
Trophy by eventual winners Scarborough . [Your
MKC spits on the floor].
Whilst not the biggest of grounds, I thought that this
was quite a reasonable facility for a Step 5 club, albeit a little jumbled.
Apart from the main stand on one side, which had a four-deep line of red seats,
there was a scattering of flip-up seats and shelters at various places around
the pitch – including a proper bus shelter on the half-way line, opposite to
where the management teams and subs were stationed. Not that there was the
requirement for a facility to accommodate a huge crowd – the attendance was
probably below 50, in spite of it being a pleasantly warm evening.
We expected to have a real problem in fighting our way
through the M1, M25 and M40 traffic for the 7.45pm kick-off – instead we were
pleasantly surprised that we made the journey from Milton
Keynes in a little over an hour and fifteen minutes.
Unfortunately, on the other side of the M25, the traffic situation was to have
(probably) a decisive influence on the outcome of the match, with goalie Jani
Seitsonen having a nightmare trip from Orpington, arriving at the ground 15
minutes before half-time. That meant that new Coach Ray Riseley had to go in
goal, and, unfortunately, he had a nightmare of a debut for the Club.
In fact, it was all-change at the back for Ashford. In
spite of having enjoyed that precious commodity of continuity so far this
season – the back five, in a 4-4-2 formation, had been the same in every game –
Tim and John switched to a 3-5-2 formation this evening, with only Lynvall
Duncan surviving in position from previous games. Lynvall was in the centre of
a back three, with regular right-back Tommy Adlington on his left (!) and young
Mark Banks on his right. From left-to-right, it was skipper Ian Ross, Richard
Boorman and Terry McCann (starting his first match this season) forming a
strong central midfield; Kennickson Jarrett-Elliott, criticised by some for his
previous defensive displays at left-back, was given a chance to show his
attacking qualities, on Rossi’s left flank, with Sol Henry wide on the right.
With Shaun Bradshaw injured, Jazhel Bonaparte made his first start, partnering
Joby Thorogood in what must have been the shortest forward-line ever to lead an
attack for an adult football team. Whilst Joby is now famous for his
Toulouse-Lautrec style stature, he towers over Jazhel by a good inch ! [Before anyone starts making the analogy, it
is in fact a myth that Jazhel’s Great Great Great Great Great Grandfather,
Napoleon, was a short-arse – he was, in fact, 5’ 6”, which was a good average
height for a man at that time.]
On the substitute’s bench we had five outfield players
– suggesting that Ray wouldn’t have even been named as a substitute if Jani had
managed to turn up on time. As well as John-Paull Collier (recovering from
injury) and Steve Humphrey (a striker, who replaced Bradshaw in the second half
on Saturday, at home to Newport IoW), there were some familiar names from past
match reports of U-18 and Reserve games: Anthony Pace, Gary Clarke (now back
from his hols) and Aiden Pursglove.
I can’t shed any light on the reason for this change
of formation, not being a mind reader, but it might have had something to do
with the fact that Marc Cumberbatch was absent tonight, and will also be absent
for Saturday’s FA Cup tie at home to Windsor & Eton – maybe The Management
wanted to experiment with a “Plan B”. It’s also possible that they were looking
for a way of accommodating Ian Ross in a team formation, using Kenny on his
left to compensate for Rossi’s relative lack of pace. Of course, we’ve had this
debate in the national Press over the past week or so – for Tim & John and
Ian Ross, read Sven and David Beckham – so I won’t labour the point with more
speculation.
The conclusion, though, is that the 3-5-2 failed
spectacularly – whether this was due to the formation itself, or to the
personnel employed in it, is something that The Management will have to work
out.
We were also short-handed on the management side of
things, with Club Physio Owen De Sade also absent. That meant that the
multi-talented Elaine Orsbourne had several hats to wear this evening. As well
as fulfilling her duties as Club Secretary (which included some unpleasant
business later on in the evening), she was the anonymous Match Reporter for the
Kentish Express, stand-by nurse in case of any injuries and Chief Thigh Rubber
before the game. Husband Alan, as usual, supported her in all of these onerous
tasks – except for the bit with the thighs, which she kept all to herself.
And it all began so promisingly. Ashford at first looked
dangerous and full of goals in attack, with the home side seeming uncomfortable
against the pace of our front two, and we dominated the first 15 minutes of the
game. Our first chance of the game came in the first minute. A long ball from
defence, over the Wembley back line, was chased by Joby, but a home defender
managed to put the ball behind for a corner. The corner, taken by Sol Henry,
came to nothing.
Ashford, all in yellow, with the home side playing in
Ajax of Amsterdam shirts, red shorts and red socks, took the lead in the ninth
minute. The ball was carelessly given away by Wembley, and Terry McCann fed
Joby down the right. The Hobbit squared the ball in to Sol Henry, who found
Jazhel Bonaparte with a good through-ball. Jazzy neatly tucked the ball into
the corner of the net, for his first goal, in his first start, for the Club.
This was a very soft goal for The Lions to concede,
but we weren’t complaining – we didn’t realise at the time that the gift was to
be returned, with interest, during the remainder of the game ! The first giveaway came in the 16th
minute, with the home side having posed no threat up to this point. Ray Riseley’s
poor kick-out went straight to a Wembley player, who immediately put Paul
Shelton through on goal. The hapless Riseley came out for a few strides, then
stopped, and from that point he was dead in the water. Shelton
Ashford had a chance to strike back in the 17th
minute. As a Wembley attack broke down, Sol Henry led a breakaway, with a three
against three situation, but was fouled by Carlan Edgar, coming across to
cover. Ian Ross curled in a quality free-kick, to the far post; big Lynvall
Duncan did well to meet the cross, but his finish was poor, putting the ball
behind for a goal-kick.
There could have been trouble, three minutes later,
when Tom Adlington – sent off for receiving two yellow cards on Saturday –
dived into a challenge with two feet. It seemed a genuine attempt to play the
ball, but the number of booted feet used was definitely no fewer than two, and
he might have been a little fortunate that the colour of the card was again
yellow. The resulting free-kick was cleared, and Joby led yet another pacey
break, again put through down the right by Terry McCann. This ended in Joby
being fouled, close to the corner flag – Rossi’s resulting cross was headed
clear.
Whilst it was a very mild evening, there was also a
dewy dampness in the air, and this led to fast, skiddy conditions. It also made
handling difficult for both goalkeepers. In the 24th minute, Lions’
‘keeper, Ade Solarin, completely fluffed a punch, when dealing with a deep
cross, causing the ball to loop behind for a corner, and, soon after, Mark
Banks was pulled up for a foul throw when the ball completely slipped out of
this hands.
The next chance for Ashford came in the 29th
minute. Richard Boorman, probably our best player, from what I’ve seen so far
this season, found Kenny Jarret-Elliot, wide on the left, with a long,
cross-field pass. KJ-E cut in, onto his right foot, but was blatently tripped,
in a dangerous position just outside the penalty area. Boorman took
responsibility for the free-kick, but blasted the ball over the wall, over the
bar and out of the ground. (Not that you need to be J.Wilkinson to boot the
ball out of this ground !).
In the 33rd minute, Richard Boorman was
again at the heart of a good, flowing move; he spread the ball out to the left
flank, where Jazzy controlled it, cut in-field and played a quick one-two with
Terry McCann, before firing in a decent shot, which went just wide of the post.
As mentioned earlier, the home side had their fair
share of the game, once they’d equalised, and there was a dangerous moment in
the 35th minute; Mark Banks, who was conspicuous with verbal
encouragement for his team-mates for the full 98 minutes of the game, was
caught in possession, at the back, by Paul Shelton, but Lynvall Duncan was on
hand with a covering tackle, to save the 22 year-old’s blushes. Two minutes
later, Banks conceded a free-kick, near the corner flag, which earnt him a good
talking-to from Referee Tim Ingram, who generally had a good game. The
free-kick was crossed in by skipper Ian Bates – who on Saturday set a new appearances
record for the home team, in his 506th match – and was put behind
for a corner by Lynvall. Bates also took the resulting corner, with a deep
cross to the far post. It was palpitations time again, as Ray Riseley dropped
the ball, under little pressure from players around him, but an Ashford boot
was there to make the emergency clearance.
The midfield was working well at this point. Terry
McCann and Richard Boorman seem to be an ideal combination in central midfield
– Terry is the ball-winner, and the man who can break up opposition attacks,
whilst Richard is confident on the ball, and always prepared to run with the
ball, look up and pick a pass.
In spite of the good work going on in the middle of
the park, The Lions took the lead, in the 41st minute. A corner,
again taken by Ian Bates, was floated into the six-yard box. Ray, in the
Ashford goal, looked uncertain, let the ball bounce and then tried to fall on
it at the far post. Unfortunately, Paul Shelton got to it first, and managed
the scramble the ball over the line, for his second goal.
So 2-1 was the score-line going in at half-time, in
spite of a late chance for Richard Boorman, in the 45th minute. Sol
Henry released Joby down the right – and, for once, The Hobbit avoided the
off-side trap – and Joby managed to square the ball to Jazhel Bonaparte. Jazzy
twisted and turned on the edge of the area, then laid the ball back to Boorman,
who again skied his shot out of the ground. It was disappointing to see the
lads troop in a goal behind at the break, but they were playing well enough to
provide optimism that they’d come storming back in the second half.
Unfortunately, the second half began disastrously,
with the softest of soft goals given away. Straight from the kick-off, Ashford
went backwards into their own half, and a misplaced pass from Lynvall Duncan,
meant for Tom Adlington, went out for a throw-in. The Ashford defence failed to
clear a long throw up to the edge of the penalty area, in spite of several
attempts to do so, and the ball fell to Jeffrey Dalton-Brown, whose low shot
went through the hands of the diving Riseley. That made it 3-1, and the task
was suddenly that bit harder.
To their credit, Ashford tried hard to peg back the
deficit. In the 51st minute, Richard Boorman was fouled, and
everyone bar Terry Mac and Tom Adlington went up for Rossi’s free-kick. This
was chipped in low to the near post, and the ploy nearly worked, with Joby just
failing to get a toe onto it. Five minutes later, Terry McCann showed all his
qualities, when pursuing his man through central midfield and winning the ball
with a great tackle. This sparked off another attack, and the ball was worked
out to Joby, on the right. His cross, across the face of the Wembley goal, went
all the way to Jarret-Elliot – who I’m still not convinced about – on the
corner of the six-yard box, but Kenny’s attempt to pull the ball back across
goal was blocked.
A number of changes were made in the 58th
minute. Wembley replaced Darren Butler with No.16 on the menu, Shigutu Matsuko,
whilst Tim and John made a double substitution; J-P Collier and Gary Clarke
replaced Ian Ross and Sol Henry. This was a like-for-like swap, with no change
to the 3-5-2 system. Rossi looked bitterly disappointed to be taken off,
ripping off his captain’s armband and tossing it in the general direction of
Tommy Adlington – no doubt it’s frustrating for him to have made little impact
on the matches he’s played in so far, having worked so hard, for so long, to
come back from that appalling broken leg. Sol, too, had made little impression
on the match, so, with about half an hour left, and the boys still two goals
down, it seemed a sensible decision.
J-P’s first contribution was to win a free-kick, in
the 61st minute. This was taken long by Richard Boorman – so long,
in fact, that it looped just over the bar, indicating that Richard had probably
seen Solarin just off his line. Two minutes later, Boorman was the taker of
another free-kick; he played it short to J-P, who returned the pass; Richard
then carried the ball into space, towards the edge of the Wembley goal, but his
well-struck shot was always sailing just over the bar.
Ashford continued to show plenty of spirit and
urgency, as they went in search of a goal, but our momentum was checked a
little in the 64th minute, when play was held up for repairs to be
made to the netting in one of the goals. This soon developed into quite an
unpleasant, and unnecessary, little incident, as members of the home
coaching/management staff were effecting the repairs. Since the incident is to
be the subject of a full report by the Referee to the Ryman League, with names
named, I’d prefer not to go into the detail of who was actually involved, or of
what was alleged to have caused the incident. The result, though, was that an
Ashford supporter received a slap round the chops from the member of the home coaching
staff, who received a red card for his actions. If any further action is to be
taken against him, then this will all come out in the wash, but I seem to
remember that Eric Cantona received a lengthy ban when he left the field of
play to assault a spectator at Selhurst
Park
Back to the game, and Ashford resumed with the same
tempo, once play was able to restart, in the 69th minute, with Joby
going on a characteristic dribbling run. This ended with a shot from outside
the area, which ‘keeper Solarin – who had also been lectured by the referee for
his part in the goal netting incident – saved, but was unable to gather.
Bonaparte latched onto the rebound, but his shot was blocked.
[On the subject of Bonaparte again, my favourite quote
from Napoleon (about Josephine) is: “She has the prettiest little *!$% in all
the world – the three islets of Martinique are
there”. If you want to know what *!$% stands for, you’ll have to look it up in
the history books; alternatively, look at a map of Martinique
!]
In the 73rd minute, as Ashford continued to
press, Wembley took advantage of one of our attacks breaking down, and very
quickly our back three were exposed. Paul Shelton was put through in the
inside-left channel, rounded Ray Riseley and slotted the ball home for a
well-taken breakaway goal. That also made it 4-1, and it was Shelton
Still the visitors pressed forward, in search of a
goal, and, only a minute after Wembley’s fourth goal, Gary Clarke demonstrated
his undoubted talent with a single touch. After the ball was carelessly given
straight to him by the home defence, Gary
In spite of the quality of Gary Clarke’s through ball,
the pass of the game came a little later, in the 76th minute – J-P
Collier carried the ball through the centre circle, and curled an excellent
ball into the path of Jarret-Elliot, who took the ball into the penalty area,
but was unable to get his cross in. This was Kenny’s final contribution to the
game, as he was replaced by Anthony Pace, a minute later. This gave us a very
young and talented-looking midfield quintet of Pace, Clarke, McCann, Boorman
and Collier. All looked comfortable enough in there, but it was a pity that
they were playing in the context of a three-goal defecit.
In the 80th minute, this three-goal defecit
nearly became four, as centre-forward Jumo Mitchell broke down the left. He cut
in, onto his right foot, but his curling shot hit the far post. However, the
nightmare became a reality four minutes later, when Wembley did take a 5-1
lead, and it was Mitchell who was the scorer. After J-P had collected a silly
booking, for blatantly jumping onto an opponent’s shoulders, and then indulging
in some “afters” – unsurprisingly, there was some frustration creeping in at
this point – a free-kick was floated into the Ashford box. What followed defies
detailed description, but this was the most comical of all the soft goals that
were conceded this evening, (although nobody on the Ashford bench was
laughing). After a succession of fluffed attempts at a clearance, and the
stand-in ‘keeper’s failure to deal with the situation, Mitchell managed to turn
the ball over the line, from about two yards out.
There was a consolation goal for Ashford, but this
only served to frustrate, rather than console, as it demonstrated just how many
goals we should have scored against tonight’s opponents, (who, believe me,
aren’t accustomed to scoring five goals against any team, and must have thought
it was Christmas). A foul on Jazzy – and I think of Martinique every time I
mention his name – led to a free-kick, in the 89th minute, taken by
Richard Boorman. Richard’s deep cross into the Wembley goal mouth was met by an
unmarked and unchallenged Lynvall Duncan, who thumped the ball into the net
with his head, from close range. Easy !
With a few lengthy delays for injuries, as well as for
the incident involving the Wembley Coach, there was still time for another
goal, and, with 94 minutes gone, J-P dribbled the ball in, from wide on the
right, and shot, but Ade Solarin did well to gather the greasy, skidding ball.
Even as late as the 98th minute, our young team kept trying, and
Joby managed to rob the last defender, who recovered by tackling back
immediately. The ball broke to Richard Boorman, but his shot went wide of the
far post.
The quote of the night came from acting skipper Tom
Adlington, as the final whistle was blown: “Fuckin’ embarrassing !!”.
Thankfully, that’s all it was, as no lives were lost,
and no valuable league points had been lost either. The biggest cost, though,
might be to the team’s morale, as, in spite of maintaining their effort and
enthusiasm right the way through to the end, the lads looked thoroughly
dejected once the game was over. Of course, although there were positives, with
the performances of Richard Boorman and Terry McCann in particular, there’s no
hiding from the fact that we managed to get hammered 5-2 by a very ordinary
Ryman Division 2 side.
The most important thing now is for the youngsters to
forget tonight’s experience, and for the team to revert to the solid defensive
displays that they’ve been showing so far this season. I’m not qualified to say
whether it was the 3-5-2 formation that was responsible for the debacle, but we
can’t afford a repeat performance against Premier Division Windsor & Eton,
as they’ll jump all over us !
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